It Gets Better!

In 2005, Time magazine published a wonderful article entitled "The Battle Over Gay Teens" (http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1112856,00.html). I found it illuminating at the time as I wandered in an ether of uncertainty, beginning to realize the tangibility of my sexuality, no longer a far-off abstraction that couldn't possibly apply to me.

Funny, perhaps tangential anecdote: the first day of sophomore year, I had Geometry class second period and my teacher was talking about planes. He said "the rain in Spain stays mainly in the plane" and then looked directly at me and said, "Hayden, do you know what movie that's from?" Being the culturally-literate person that I am, I didn't want to disappoint, but I really didn't know! Don't ask how I got to age 15 without seeing My Fair Lady, but it happened. (Truth is, I still haven't seen it, which I suppose, to someone, means I'm not really gay.) But I remember the sense of dread that I felt, not only because I didn't know the answer, but because knowing the answer might make me gay. The logic isn't there, but when you are on the verge of coming out, every gesture and action is scrutinized as something that might out you, something that might make you "too gay" and therefore unacceptable to others.

But I think there is a tendency to be self-congratulatory about sexuality. The article concluded that fewer gay children are growing up less traumatized than past generations. Truth. And who couldn't be happy about the recent legislative success in New York? Meanwhile, media depictions of the Westboro Baptist Church (whose politics I despise, so please don't mistake me) or really anything in Tennessee make people who espouse "anti-gay" views into Neanderthals. But even as queerness becomes more "mainstream" and gay people progressively gain rights, there is still plenty of internal suffering. The existence of a stronger, more visible community does not preclude the personal anguish that exists. The suicide of Tyler Clementi is the only necessary evidence.

But it gets better and not just because there's a super cool project that says so (http://www.itgetsbetter.org/). It gets better because we can laugh at silly stuff like not wanting to say something that might out you, like not wanting to wear something because it gives off the wrong perception. It gets better because you realize you can choose how out you want to be. It gets better because, while your sexuality might be the most complicated part of you, it's not the biggest part of you. Once realized, sexuality is subsumed by the whole. You are you.